I have been pretty open about my struggles with sleep. Suffering from night terrors due to trauma makes sleeping one of the less enjoyable things to me on paper. Though recently I’ve come to enjoy it more as the better dreams tend to outweigh the bad ones.
All while, something stood out to me. My dreams aren’t how I see the world.
And I don’t mean like my dreams are of a fantasy land but more in a literal sense. My day to day the world through my sight is blurry and difficult to maneuver.
One morning recently I woke up and recalled a dream from the night before, where my wife and I were in my old truck, and I was driving. Something that I physically haven’t done in two years. But in this dream, nothing was blurry everything was clear and normal. I remembered that and as the mornings went on I started to notice that same pattern.
I was not dreaming like present day me.
Nothing blurry, just seeing the world and living those dreams like I was my normal self.
It sounds dumb, I know. Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you dream in disability. It was more something I failed to notice over the last few years.
For someone that feared sleep I now am learning to welcome it. It’s the space where in my head I can drive a car, run through a house without bumping into something, and see the world as I once did.
But only if I dare to dream it.
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