We all live with some sort of fear. It’s a very natural thing. It can be common like a fear of spiders, or heights, or flying to something more uncommon like the fear of pink golf balls. No matter what it is, we all fear something.
For me, sure, I have common fears but also, very uncommon ones too.
Heights: The fear of heights seems pretty normal. Do I know why or where it comes from? Absolutely not, but it’s there. I can’t stand on a chair without that uneasy feeling kicking in, but that seems tame compared to the others I have.
Falling Asleep In Public: I highly doubt there is a name for this phobia. It’s one I have due to the fact I suffer from night terrors. Basically, sometimes when I sleep I’ll just start screaming or panicking and have no clue it’s happening. Having that happen in public or on a plane or at a hotel, it’s bothersome and is always in the back of my mind which has led to the fear.
Escalators: Yes, you read that right escalators. And no, it’s not that I’m afraid they’ll be broken and just be stairs. It’s actually a fear I’ve had for 30 years now. As a kid my mom would often take me to the mall. When I was around 5, we got on the escalator to go from level 1 to level 2 and my shoes were naturally untied. As the ride began, the escalator began to eat those untied laces. I remember screaming, not sure what was going on. My mom did as well until someone turned off the machine. It could have been seconds but it felt like an eternity...and fear was born.
Escalators and sleeping in public seem like absurd fears, but let’s leave the absurd and go to the more serious: the ones that started when I started losing my vision.
The Moments After Blindness: For me this fear is solely based on the unknown. How will I react? What will my mental state be? How do I move forward? It’s also a hard fear because as much as you prepare yourself all your preparation can and most likely will go out the window.
Death: I think we all have this one in some shape or form. For me the fear of death started to ramp up in the last few years. Having your body start to fail you in your early 30s will definitely do that to you. Along with seeing my father pass away in his early 60s dealing with the same diagnosis. It put fear in me, fear of dying early. My wife, Karina, means the entire world to me. I fear not being here to grow old with her, and how she would have to go on without me. It speaks fear with not being there to witness my children, if we have them, grow up. It leads to the fear of not living life as long as I would like to. But I think those fears are justified.
Many people say we have to face our fears to get over them. I’ve done that. I rode the biggest escalator in the US and made it without a scratch and all my shoelaces, I’ve been on ladders, I’ve slept many times on planes, I’ve talked with my therapist to prepare for the unknown, I was given a stage 4 kidney failure diagnosis and came out on the other side.
I’ve faced the things I fear, but still doesn’t change anything because fear is just a part of life, fear is natural.
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