“Hopefully nobody saw that” is a phrase that crosses my mind quite regularly these days. I feel like every day, I do something that I find embarrassing or simply makes me uncomfortable in my own skin as someone who is visually impaired. From struggling to find things and having to guide my hand across a table to locate them, to accidentally bumping into objects—it’s a part of my everyday life. However, to someone unfamiliar with me, it may just appear as though I'm disoriented. It happens at home and in public alike. Though in public, I don’t always carry my cane, so I don’t exhibit the usual signs of being visually impaired.
It hasn’t been easy for me to fully accept these changes. Perhaps with time, I will, and the things I find embarrassing may eventually become insignificant. However, it's my interactions with people that are the most challenging. Two instances come to mind immediately, both filled with embarrassment—one direct and the other indirect.
The direct incident occurred over a year ago at a conference with my wife. A guy I've known for years walked by and waved, but I didn’t see it. As we walked past, my wife mentioned that he had waved at me. I haven’t spoken to him about this, but he probably thought I was being rude. Sadly, I wasn’t. That small moment is etched in my memory, and I recall the instant embarrassment vividly.
The indirect incident happened during a movie outing last summer with my wife. I used to enjoy going to the movies before my eye condition worsened. Now, it’s not so easy due to the darkness making it difficult for me to navigate. Nevertheless, I still go if it’s a movie worth seeing. After the movie ended, my wife and I walked out of the theater. I informed her that I was going to use the restroom. As I made my way, bam I walked right into a black pillar in the middle of the lobby. I shook it off, but then I heard a group of teens laughing at me, and I froze. My wife approached me and asked if I was alright. I turned to her and asked “can we get out of here”, feeling embarrassed.
That guy and those teens didn’t know about my condition, so I can’t blame them. However, it’s these regular moments that make me hang my head in shame for what I’m going through. I do hope that one day things will change, and my confidence will improve regarding my impairment. Until then, there probably won’t be a day that goes by without me saying to myself, "Hopefully nobody saw that."
Comments