In the face of adversity, there is a battle. A battle between what you can do and what you want to do. For me I feel like this is sorta amplified. There’s part of me that believes I’m not visually impaired and can go out there and do anything and everything. Then there the realistic prt of me that knows I am, and finding a light switch or looking at a piece of paper is a struggle. This is something I know I am not alone in, it’s part of acceptance, yet nobody wants to admit or accept they can’t do something. That takes time, and maybe I am just not there yet.
I’ve thought of this more in the days leading up to Hurricane Milton. Though, Tampa, Florida is a ways a away it’s where my friends are. It’s the place I spent a vast majority of my life. It’s where I went to high school, where I found myself, found my voice/my career and what I wanted to be, even my phone number is a Tampa number as I refuse to change it. If you ask anyone that’s lived in Tampa long enough they’ll tell you luck has been on their side. Frequently you’ll see hurricane models and their spaghetti plots point to Tampa, but it never hits there directly or at least hasn’t since 1927. Though, the thought has always been well what if it did?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this run into the fire mentality. I wanted to be cop, a Marine, a person that shows up after something horrific and is there for the people. And the latter I have done, following the shootings in Las Vegas and Uvalde, TX.
About 7 years ago or so at this point my best friend and I were following along with the path of storm projected to hit Tampa that eventually didn’t, I remember that conversation we talked about going there if it did hit, getting a boat and doing what we can to help. Much like it is to me Tampa is special to him, it’s where he’s from, where his friends are, and where his family still lives to this day.
I still believe in the boat idea, as I scroll through facebook seeing post from friends about how this is different. This storm has people scared. As I scroll, I battle with something of my own. Wanting to run into the fire and knowing my limits. I know I don’t live close anymore, but those are my people. And it bothers me a lot to feel like I can’t do anything about it. Sure, I can get there but how much help can I be when I can’t see as much as I used to.
In my head I can be anything, and do anything but in reality, I’m no Superman. I have to accept that wither I’d like to or not.
I hope this is all for nothing and all that happens is some down trees, but let’s be honest the fear is real.
Kommentarer